News From Osiris

I have made it from Russia to Finland, onwards to Poland and then to the Czech Republic. I have done this by following the lead of and listening to the guidance of a man we know only as Kong.

The Capital tour has been going well, a splendid journey with some fine young men. We arrived in Warsaw after dark, hungry and a little tired. A cheese sandwich and a 5-story techno club will always solve those minor issues. After a solid nights kip, we headed out into the streets to see what Warsaw had on offer for to skateboard on.

Duffel was with us. He is really quite a tall man, and he can jump his board up into some high locations. The street spot we went to was just that type of thing. The plinth of an enormous sculpture of a desperate military man, it was more of a cliff than a ledge. Duffman doesn’t fuck around. He gets down. And up. Way up high. It’s those Jack Skelington legs of his I think. They are more like bungee cords than legs really. Boing!

The demo in Warsaw was held in a fun wooden skate arena. Everyone skated like Mongol warriors and then Marius went all Viking berserker and munsenned down the five stair at full speed. He went down hard, but his Scando resilience kicked in and he retaliated by battling a backside flip over the whole shebang for a solid hour. He’s a funny kid.

Prague. It’s in the Czech Republic. It’s the home of a fantastic beer called Staropramen, although I didn’t have any while I was there. The locals all preferred this Pilsner Urquel stuff.

Prague has some truly sensational skate spots. It also has Stalin Square, although not for too much longer. The planning permission for an aquarium or some such abomination is, at the very least, in process. Stalin square is one of the true great skate spots in the world and it turns my feelings a shade bluer to know that it will soon be only a memory. Saying that, it is also the spot where I managed to devastate my foot. While attempting a dazzling stunt I became distracted by a group of 20 children and an enormous man in an impressive white hat. My instinct told me to wait for them to disperse, but then, like a true idiot, I made the rash decision to charge through it. Moments later I was on my back, alone, with a sore foot. One thing I do know is that in skateboarding we need our feet. That was it for me having any useful purpose on this crazy tour. Now I’m just another spare prick at the meat parade. Of course the next part of the trip would contain some of the best street spots I’ve seen in my life. That leave’s me with only 2 options. Frustration or Suicide.

I will say this. David and his band of merry gentlemen in Prague were true champions, and I think I can speak for the whole crew when I thank them very much.